menieresmommy











{October 30, 2011}   “I will just rest”

I will be Okay, (no I won't)

Approximately 3-4 days since the “school drop off from hell.”

I was driving home from dropping my 5-year-old off at school again.

The last horrific vertigo attack was since long gone from my memory.

It’s weird how vertigo attacks are like giving birth. You slowly forget over time how horrific they were. I think the human body has a way of anesthetizing the brain from horrific events. I’m sure this will materialize as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder in therapy soon.

I was about 1/4 mile from my house. I had one more child to drop off at another school. Husband gone to work for the day.

As I sit at the light, patiently waiting to turn green,

“What was That?”

Oh shit, nOOOOOOO

Not again

Please no.

My vision started to get blurry.

My hand went to shield my squinting eyes once again.

Please make it home, please make it home.

My head started to get heavy and lean-to the side as I came around the corner.

Do I seriously have to pull over 3 houses from my home and have an hour session of vertigo all alone in my car?

What about my daughter? She will think I am hurt or just forgot about her. I will make her tardy for school. Ruin her proud perfect attendance.

You all understand the when I’m down, I’m down?

Doesn’t matter where you are.

At Disneyland? Down.

At PTA meeting? Down.

In the car out front of your house? Down.

You may as well be in Alaska, Even if in your driveway down with an attack.

I fall out of my car, on top of the concrete.

I crawl on my hand and knees to get to the front door.

Even this is impossible.

What “normal” people don’t realize is that even crawling cannot be done when you have no sense of direction or gravity.

You don’t know which way to crawl and if you did, you can’t pick up your head to even do that.

As if just crawling normally from your car isn’t bad enough.

My daughter finds my lifeless body half in the house, half out the front door.

“Mom, are you okay?”

“No, mommy isn’t feeling well. Can you pull my body to my bed?”

Am I really saying this?

As she drops my body off at the edge of my bed, I gather every ounce of whatever it is I have in me to get onto my legs and fall into my bed.

I pull the covers up over my head.

I ask my daughter to please close the curtains.

I get into the fetal position

Start to sweat

Start to rock (not in the roll way)

Okay, I can get through this.

Here is the extra twist of the knife for a Meiere’s Mommy.

“Mom, aren’t you going to drive me to school?”

Shit.

“Ummmm, not today sweetie. Can you ask Mr. Harrison next door if you can grab a ride with him today?”

Okay.

The front door shuts.

I feel a sense of relief now that she is gone.

I can be alone to suffer.

The first pang of guilt is felt throughout my body.

I moan and groan and I rock.

What is going on?

What is happening to me?

I have to get this fixed ASAP

After a good hour, I wake to the feeling of Habanero peppers being rubbed into my eyes and this burning and throbbing pulsating from my temples.

Every muscle in my body is exhausted.

I need to sleep.

Okay, I will sleep.

Wait, who will pick my 3 children up from school? They all 3 go to different schools and get out at different times.

I need to schedule an emergency appointment with My ENT STAT.

I call and tell the receptionist this is an EMERGENCY.

She repeats, “you’re having vertigo sweetie?”

No, well yes but it’s REALLY bad.

We have a lot of people with the same problems unfortunately.

Seriously?

Am I a total pussy?

She schedules me for the following week.

In the mean time, I have a few more attacks.

All bad.

Is this “just vertigo?”

Is this just Benign Paroxysmal Position Vertigo?

Is this just some stupid crystals displaced in my middle ear like my Father-In-Law told me?

He said I just need to do these simple exercises. They are on You Tube.

After all, this is what got rid of his “vertigo” in just a couple of days.

I decide to try the exercises.

I barfed for 4 hours after.

I’m starting to feel a little anxious to leave the house.

I think I will try to stay home until I see Dr. Wong next week.

Well except for the 6 daily trips to drop off the kids and pick them up.

The shopping 3 times a week.

The dog to the vet.

The birthday party on Sat.

Getting a gift for the party on Sat.

PTA conference on Thursday night

I was just voted onto the school site council that meets monthly.

Ugh, okay nevermind.

I have to get this thing cured immediately…..

Can’t wait until my next appointment so my ENT can tell me what I “really” have and give me the medication to make it all better.

I have no choice in the matter.

I can’t live this way………..

Happy Spinning

xoa

 

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